'I'm proud of myself, I'm proud of my daughter for being an ally, and I'm proud of the community' – 'Seahorse Dad': a trans man who gave birth
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On the face of it, there may not be many more difficult choices than weighing up whether to delay living as your authentic self or becoming a parent for the first time.
That, though, is exactly what Casper Walker had to make a decision between.
Mr Walker knew he was trans from childhood, but had also always dreamed of becoming a parent. To have his own child, though, he would have to put off transitioning.
Sometimes called a "Seahorse Dad" – after the animal where the male carries the fertilised eggs – it was also important to Mr Walker to carry his own child rather than look to alternatives like surrogacy or adoption, which may be seen as more established routes to parenthood for members of the LGBTQ+ community.
"Once I looked into and researched everything about transitioning and having children, I saw there were options to freeze your eggs, but I wanted to have my own," he said.
"I had quite a difficult childhood – being trans was definitely a big part of it. I didn't get along with my parents very well, and I was aware that if I adopted or used surrogacy, I might struggle with bonding.
"I already knew that I would have to stop taking testosterone to get pregnant, and start again once I had given birth. It was quite difficult – even though I was prepared, I feel like I wasn't prepared enough.
"If there was more support or information, or awareness about it, it might have helped. You're just alone in that moment, you're the only person the midwives have ever heard of, so it's hard not to feel like you're an outcast when you're literally alone in it.
"At that point, I was on the NHS waiting list and I was at the top. I said to them that it was on pause, and I was going to start as soon as I had given birth – they said that was fine.
"I didn't know if there was a waiting period, but I didn't realise I could start on testosterone the next day, there's no waiting period. Then it was a case of making a baby as soon as possible so that I could start transitioning!"
Although it was not a completely smooth process, Mr Walker did find that the NHS were generally supportive.
While service providers may not always have had experience of a case like his, they were keen to learn and implement inclusive practices.
That led to Mr Walker's case being something of a trailblazer for the likes of Dr Gray's Hospital and the Maryhill General Practice in Elgin.
"I spoke to my GP about some mental health issues I was facing, and he didn't really know what to say because he's never met anyone who's like me, a seahorse dad," he explained.
"It was a new thing for my doctor as well as me. He's very supportive, but most of what he knows is because I've told him – it's me telling him things, not him telling me things.
"Even the basics of the midwives gendering me correctly would have been a good start. It costs nothing, and it wouldn't have affected them in any way.
"Once I explained everything to them though, they were very welcoming. I've been back there, because I got pregnant again but unfortunately had a miscarriage, and the second time I went they had these new regulations and rules.
"They were very understanding, and even asked if I wanted to go into a separate room, which is not something that would bother me but I guess some people might.
"The main doctor at Maryhill, Dr Lockhart, held a meeting with all the staff to talk about the importance of inclusivity and pronouns, and the importance of transitioning and getting blood work and prescriptions done at the right time.
"I was the first trans patient that the practice had, so I was quite proud of them for being so inclusive and asking me questions to make sure they were doing the right things.
"Between their research and me telling them information, they have created new guidelines. From now on when other trans men and women go to the practice, they know what to do, so it's good to know that at least one of the practices and one of the hospitals in the area is good."
Mr Walker is now a dad, alongside partner Coron, to daughter Aurora, now four years old.
The challenges of being a trans man who gave birth did not end there though. Going about daily life with a new-born in tow led to Mr Walker being misgendered more often than ever before.
While baby and mum groups are commonplace, too, baby and dad groups are much rarer – and baby and trans dad groups are practically non-existent.
In fact, on two separate occasions Mr Walker has been asked to leave baby groups once they found out he was gay and trans, to the point he has had to set up his own space that he can ensure is inclusive.
It would be easy to assume that little Aurora is too young to understand any of what has been going on. The reality, though, is that she has become her dad's biggest ally – something that makes all of the stress worthwhile.
"Because we're kind of in our own bubble and it's accepted at home, you kind of forget that it isn't everywhere.
"When you start a new club or a new group, and someone says something to you, you remember there are transphobic people in the world.
"I'm very much used to messages and comments. It doesn't bother me to be honest, but sometimes the colourful language that some people use can been a bit of a shock, and some people have said things about my daughter as well which isn't very pleasant.
"With these kinds of people, I usually just say – not just in my case but in other seahorse dad cases – the child is in a loving home, with two parents who look after them. Every child needs a loving home, and that's what they have.
"Aurora turned four in August, and I didn't expect her to be my biggest cheerleader.
"We were shopping one time when she was one year old, and she was toddling a little bit far away from me and this old man told her she needs to go back to her mum, and Aurora said 'that's not my mum, that's my dad'.
"I was a bit embarrassed at the time, but I realised later I should have been proud of her for being my little ally. She has always called me dad and is always correcting people.
"Now that it's not too much of a rocky road, I'd say it has been very good. I'm proud of myself, I'm proud of my daughter for being an ally, and I'm proud of the community.
"I'm glad that even one person can make a difference, and I didn't have to make petitions or strike or campaign or anything like that. I didn't really expect that to happen."
