MARK GILBERT COLUMN: The annoyances that make me want to shout out loud
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The Victor Meldrew in me now turns to the television, once known as the one-eyed monster in the corner, which stopped kids going out to play, but is now accessible anywhere and everywhere.
In fact, my little Sky “puck aerial” needed replacing last week, and I had the option of watching TV shows on my phone, tablet and laptop, which saved me having to go into my posh sitting room to watch the “big telly”.
The “big telly” is a massive 55 inch smart 4K machine that switches itself on when I go into the room, which is not very often. It arrived after I had my annual conversation with SKY in which I plead my case for a better deal as a pensioner.
I don’t know how we got there, but I came off the call a while later with a reduction in my monthly bill and this giant TV (which fits nicely in the room). Mind you if I do watch it, I feel that I’m the smallest person in the room!
Anyway, I’ve always been an avid telly watcher, and my first memory is of a 4-inch screen set in a massive wooden box, with all the neighbours gathered around it to watch special broadcasts.
My childhood was in black and white until about 1969, when we were the first house in the street to get a colour television. The next year the TV caught fire and had to be unceremoniously dumped, still burning, into the back garden!
So, down to the annoyances that make me comment out loud.
How annoying it is on political programmes when MPs either won’t give a straight answer to a straight question, or just keeps talking until they have either wasted so much time that they can’t get another one, or have bamboozled everyone with their response.
The BBC seems to have the most annoying presenters or phrases, with the phrase “other brands are available” when talking about a product, or reminding us that X iused to be Twitter, even after it changed nearly a year ago, and then there’s Joe Lynskey, a BBC Sports journalist who speaks so slowly, you could fall asleep.
Watching MasterChef, I’ve often said that a good vet could bring a piece of lamb or duck back to life, after it has been presented to the judges “pink” (supposedly cooked), and was delighted on the recent amateur series when a vet called Brin from Bristol cooked a pink dish, well, you can imagine my delight when I suggested that he was the right man for getting it going again!
I’ve always watched The Apprentice and as the weeks go by, I wonder where these supposedly business-savvy people have been all their life, as I have wee doggies that could make better decisions.
But what about all the white teeth and big lips? A subject for another piece.
What about contestants who go low on the Chase! OMG, that makes me swear, especially when the previous contestants have put a lot of money into the pot and agree through gritted teeth that going low is an option.
There are some adverts that I find disturbing and, as recent events have shown, my concerns may have confirmed to a degree. These are the adverts selling funeral and cremation services that are targeted at afternoon viewers, who may be older folk.
The adverts suggest that for a low price and little fuss, you can be cremated and returned to your family, leaving them without a big bill and with more money to remember you with!
My mother-in-law Hedi would have been seduced by this kind of advertising, and after the recent events in Hull, we’ve seen what can go wrong. My thoughts are with the families affected.
